HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY? FINE.

A User-Friendly Discussion Guide for Parents and Their Elementary School-Aged Children

By Shannon A. White & Peyton White

1.  What brought you to write this book?

Shannon: When Peyton was at the end of the 3rd grade, I picked her up from a play date. The other mother alerted me to a conversation she heard between our daughters…that two months earlier, a boy at the lunch table had said he had wanted to have sex with my daughter. After recovering from the shock, I asked her why she hadn’t told me. She said she didn’t want to get him in trouble. I had always prided myself in being on top of things. Yet, I had failed. As a TV news reporter and church minister, I ask people questions for a living, and yet I didn’t get to this very important event in her life. So, we started the book as a way to get closer and help our own conversations.

Peyton: We wrote this to be able to understand each other better and to help parents and children talk.

2.  How has the book affected your relationship?

Shannon: I can honestly say that the writing process, which took place over a year and a half brought us to another level in our relationship.  When I asked Peyton, once again, “How was school?” she told me I was asking the wrong questions.  “So what questions should I be asking?”  Our book starts to ask and answer some of those suggestions.

This is not an “everything you ever wanted to know about parenting” book.  But we are hoping it will do for others what it did for us.

Peyton: It has made our relationship better.  I feel we can connect more and I can say stuff.  We actually talk more after school.  I feel I know more about mom and she knows more about me and that’s good because maybe when I’m having a hard time we can talk.  And when she’s having a hard time I understand better what she’s going through.

3.    What do you hope others will get from your book?

Shannon: We hope that this will start, restart or continue conversations between parents, grandparents or care-givers and the children in their lives.  People who read this will also find that they are already doing many of the things we talk about, but if they are helped by even one or two suggestions which worked for us, then we’ve succeeded.  Shannon “fesses” up to mistakes she has made and how she has tried to make changes.

We also hope that adults will be encouraged to reflect on how their own “stuff” easily gets spilled over into the lives of the children for whom they love and care.  It’s amazing to me that when a parent/guardian changes something within herself, things tend to change in her relationship with her children.

Peyton: I hope that people will get a better understanding of what their child has to say and have a better connection.

4.    How long did it take you to write this book?

Shannon: I started it two years ago and wrote 70 pages at that time.  Then I got distracted and put it down for nine months.  In July 2009, I went to a conference which encouraged attendees to “up their game,” whatever it is.  We had 90 days in between that point and then next time we met.  I was accountable to a woman every day and a group of women every week with my progress.  I finished the book in those 90 days (287 pages) …all while working full-time and raising my daughter.  The power of accountability and encouragement is amazing.

5.    Did you enjoy writing it?

Peyton: It was a fun experience because I could spend more time with my mother and learn more about her.

Shannon: Wow…just hearing that makes the whole experience worthwhile.  I work hard, like so many parents to make a living.  Being a single mom makes it a bit more challenging.  By the time I get home from work, get dinner going and oversee homework, I’m tired and want to connect but don’t have the emotional reserves, at times, to think creatively about how to delve into deeper topics.

Writing this book made me “have to” stop and think about many topics….some which we had never addressed together.  I saw how easy it is to live on the surface and miss so many of the important moments that happened in Peyton’s life.  I thought I was doing a pretty good job, and I suppose at times I have, but I was also missing a lot.
The actual process was an experience of “automatic writing” in a sense.  It flowed when I put the pen to paper.  It was not difficult, but it required time and persistence.

6.    Did you learn anything about each other during the writing process?

Shannon: I can tell you, I fell in love with my daughter on a deeper level and have such great respect for the young woman she is becoming.  When I read what she put in her “Peyton’s Point of View,” I heard such wisdom.  I know she will be a great encouragement to other children who read her words.

In addition, parents don’t often know if their kids are really listening to what they have to say or if they have really accepted their values.  When I heard her voice in the book, I knew that I had been heard, and that she had made some of the things which are important to our family, her own.  That was a true gift.

Peyton: I learned that Mom can actually play…I learned that when mom gets cranky, I can actually talk to her about it rather than just stay quiet.  We talked a whole lot more while we were writing this book and I got to know my mom better, and that’s a good thing.  I also realized how much my mom loves me.

7.    Peyton: How does it feel to be a published author in elementary school?

Peyton: It feels great because I already feel experienced and maybe when I’m older, like say in high school I’ll know what to do then.

8.    What are some of the topics you covered that were easy to write?

Peyton: Pets because I love my dog, Max.  Things pop in my head when I think about him!  The bully chapter wasn’t hard, because I’ve experienced being bullied.  Also the chapters on fun and imagination were easy too!

Shannon: I am passionate about what is age appropriate and inappropriate at any given time, so that part flowed pretty easily.  The gratitude chapter (Glass Half Empty/Glass Half Full) was fun to write and so was the part about the importance of knowing your beginnings.